all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
