I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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