So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
