id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
