K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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