I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
