I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
3 2 1 whiskey
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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