Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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