Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
