once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
