don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
