She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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