I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
