well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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