Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
