I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
