i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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