I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
