put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize