Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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