did you get engaged???
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
