I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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