Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
