Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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