I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
