You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
