roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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