he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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