i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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