you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
