threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
