i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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