he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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