I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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