2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
