the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize