I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
