Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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