bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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