Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
