So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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