I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
