I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There r osticjed everywhere
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
