I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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