Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
