Yo dont text me then not text me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
