I was born with a shot glass in my hand
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
