i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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