I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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