You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well I just put wine in my tea
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
