And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
