I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize