I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
