the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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