Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
they need to just BURY HIM!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize