you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
