I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
