How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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