you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
