your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
