I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
