I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
