I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
