My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
